I don't need a nanny thanks, I'm 27.

People moan about the nanny state, etc. Me? I don't really mind that much being told how much veg I have to eat to stay alive, how much salt will kill me, to look both ways before I'm run over, but this is the final straw.

My iPod has colluded with my headphones for no other reason than to make me almost loose it on a crowded train. If I want to deafen myself with thumpy drums and Thom Yorke's wailing then I should bloody well be allowed to do it right? Wrong. My favourite loud track didn't even get loud enough to drown out that bloody patronising train lady telling me where I'm going, to mind the gap, and to watch out for unattended packages every 30 seconds . A far as I remember the last package that exploded on public transport was very much attended. Anyway I digress.

I tapped the + sign in frustration but it refused to budge louder than dinner party ambiance. Then I tried to trick it by turning it down and then up again slowly. No such luck the smug bastard. I contemplated hurling it out of the window but thought better of it - I paid 70 quid for those Bose headphones and this is how they repay me? They think they're doing this for my own good? For the good of my hearing? Bollocks. They're doing it to piss me off.

Trouble is they seem enforce their fascist volume control policy totally at random so the next track nearly did deafen me as Beck's timebomb exploded in my ear canal.

Go fuck ya headphones!