Bye bye blogger

Time has come to say goodbye to blogger.  It has been a good friend these past two years but unfortunately aesthetics have won.  Blogger is ugly.  It's HTML garishness has annoyed me greatly.   Now that I'm more frequently blogging, and actual people are reading this blog I've moved homes: I'm here instead: thesmileexperiment.wordpress.com

If you have subscribed to my feed, please subscribe to my new feed here:

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Thanks

What I found odd today

There was a man on the tube behaving rather oddly today.  He was slumped reading the paper yet his legs were open.  This is not particularly unusual but he had an annoying habit of swinging his legs open and shut with some vigour.  It was clearly an attempt to look relaxed in a carriage consisting only of commuter ladies but he appeared seriously unhinged.  Incidentally he got off and then promptly sprinted up the stairs.  I put his excessive leg waggling down to boyish boundless energy.  He was also a strange mixture of old and young: he looked about 15 but he was clearly some city banking executive in his late twenties.  

Public transport is a ripe for encountering people who act more unhinged than usual to make you notice them and feel progressively more uncomfortable.  I'm sure Annie Mole documents this better than I

Night all

x

This is an ad for thisisanad

Nick and Toby were in campaign today. Nick wore a flowery shirt and Toby removed his glasses for the occasion. More interestingly they wrote about how digital has killed advertising, or not as the case is. Even more interesting than that is our blog thisisanad.com that supports their essay which I've been allowed to contribute to. Alongside the sensible posts from other users, I've put up a grime music video celebrating fried chicken, the stabbing outside McDonalds, and confusing the Xbox help robot with silly half-baked philosophical questions. Enjoy.

Hello Balloons

I spent most of my day faffing around with this balloon idiocy. I'm assuming everyone else in digital advertising did too because twitter was very quiet for the entire afternoon.

Apart from the almost breaking teh internest with the pesky flash it is actually marvelous. Well done POKE

Here's my rather sad balloon. You can boost him too if you like here

You may notice that my bobbing balloon in the corner there is rather reluctant to join the race. And you should be noticing many balloons ambling across the page too. But no. Somehow I've been excluded. *Sad face* Never mind. I'm hoping the race just hasn't reached me yet.

The game play itself is stupidly simple and slightly tedious. There's no real chance of winning the big prize. Probably little chance of winning any of the other prizes actually. It is really about the 'taking part'. But what is really brilliant about it is you can just dip in and out. A little bit of engagement; a little bit of silliness; and a whole heap of free advertising for Orange. I assume it will also sweep up a whole heap of gongs.

Nick joined in too. I loled.

20 things I learnt from Interesting2008

Yesterday was interesting. Here are 20 things I learnt that were interesting:

1. Clowns are funniest when they don't do much

2. Light can be like a felt tip pen on cheap paper
- the grain of the universe

3. I really like scotch eggs and will now google 'the handmade scotch egg company'

4. Verbing weirds language

5. Badly written mildly thrilling abridged audiobooks cure insomnia

6. Churchill was graceful

7. Biscuit is a funny word. Words are more funny if they have a 'k' sound in them

8. If you poo in the morning, it aides your digestion

9. In booze, civilisation! Preference for booze is evolutionary. Fruit is very clever. Nature is magic

10. Rhopography is the study of the oft overlooked, like vacumn cleaners

11. You can make magic out of old bits of computer parts

12. Laxtose intolerance is racists against cheese. 87% of dairy products are silent.

13. Old skool animation is AMAZING

14. Acousmatic is a sound where you cannot see the source of the sound

15. Hiraeth is a Welsh word with no English translation bit it's a nice word with a spiritual meaning

16. The transition between anonymity and recognition of you is interesting, especially on the internets

17. Some people use The Guardian to talk to each other

18. Scribbling is studied clumsiness

19. You must talk to your children before it's too late and they grow up stupid

20. Studying beards aides war

Things that I found funny recently

Since blogger is being an idiot and not letting me finish my ouch post, I'll create a new one (post that is, not blog... although don't tempt me). I'm always banging on about things that annoy me so for this quickie it'll be things that I've found funny recently.

1. "meat space"

Reference to the real world, read on the interesting2008 wiki written by Annie Mole who I'm very much looking forward to meeting on Saturday.

2. A boy's trousers fell down yesterday while he was walking to get his train. Shouldn't really laugh at other's misfortune but if he insists on wearing his jeans slung around his arse cheeks and lolloping along like he's the toughest gangster from south central instead of what he really is, a white boy from Chiswick, then he'll get what's coming to him.

3. James. Namely the inevitable downing of his trousers in every conceivable situation possible. After all no situation is more funny than when you've got your trousers round your ankles. Except if you're this lady who clearly takes life VERY seriously

Drinking is BAD. As seen here and watched here.

My embryonic gambling addiction

I've opened up a bet fair account. This is most definitely unwise. I have already bet a rather bold £10 on Holland winning tonight. Clearly going on gut-girl-instinct rather than being armed with all or indeed any of the facts.

My brain thinks:

Holland, they're rather good aren't they? They've won stuff before right? Romania, they're rubbish right? I mean, no one from Eastern Europe can play football right?

WRONG. Apart from Romania playing very well against Italy on Friday (emptying Tichfield Towers betting kitty), Holland are letting their cleaning ladies play for them tonight as they're guaranteed to go through.

We'll see how everything pans out. I might even attempt a live blog of the match.

p.s. I know literally NOTHING about football. But I do know what off-side is. That is it.

Okay.  Here's my live blog.  I've arrived home 30 minutes into the match.  Quick panic as the wrong match is on BBC 1.  BBC 3 it is then.

Right.  Nil-Nil... ooo bit exciting as the orange men have possession a lot.  Oh look, a chance on goal but the blonde man missed.  The fool.

33 minutes.  Lots of running about and kicking of the ball.  Romanian men long shot on goal.  Way off.  Phew.

Lots of commentary about Romania making a big push for it at the end.. yeah, whatever.

35 minutes.  Orange man had a clear shot at goal but kicks it like a five year old.  Misses. Boo.

Free kick to Romania... goes very far.  Ooops looks like they're gearing up to shoot.  No.  And yes.  He can't kick either.

39 mins: more kicking about.  Close up of a Romanian player who looks like he is very tired and has a black eye

40 mins: bit exiting as ball heads towards orange goal.  Nope.  Rubbish.  Voiceover man complains that Holland are giving it away and has the bonus of knowing that they're through.  This is not encouraging for my betting.

41 mins: Romanian man throws the ball.  Holland man heads it away.  Orange men now have possession.  This is good but keep kicking it about. Ooooo 0ooooooo ooooo good orange man kick setting up for goal.  Headed away by Romanian man.  Voiceover man says foul.  Referee does not agree.

43.45 mins:  Oh dear.  Romanian men setting up for goal but no man to kick into goal.  Slow-mo of man looking disappointed

44 mins: big kick up to orange goal.  Some mention of dispossessed.  

Whistle gone.  Half time.  Nil Nil.  Queue the chit chat.  Time for tea.

Okay.  Second half.  Talk of knife edges and Romania knowing that one goal is enough.  Boring chat about injuries and red cards.  And saying that there is only 45 minutes left.  Even I know that, duh.

Off we go.

Some chancer kicks it at the goal.  Luckily Dutch goalie was paying attention.

Orange have possession.  More kicking about and voiceover is shouting about mootoo and rats. 

Oh dear,  free kick close to goal.  Mootoo to take.  Headed out by orange man.  Oh dear someone's fallen over - what a wetty.

49 mins:  Holland are kicking now.  Van Percy is ONSIDE.  Does a bit of ballet but goal keeper lies down and it doesn't go in.  BOO.

Van Percy takes the corner.  Ooops flies past everyone.

51 mins: some more kicking about.  Goal keeper is doing a big kick.   Talk of everyone putting everyone else under pressure.  And about Holland end up playing Russia... who cares?  Although I've got Russia in Tichfield Towers sweep stake so perhaps I should be interested.

53 mins:  volume level rises as Van Percy races towards goal but falls over before scoring.  Bums

Romanian men now have possession.  Crowd is booing.

Iron Robin flying towards goal, crosses... right into a scrum of white and orange.. bit of a scramble and GOAL.  Get in.  Back of the net.  Score.  Etc.

Excellent.  One-nil.  However, calm down.  You are most vulnerable when you have just scored.   

Some one is coming off.  Bye bye boolaroose.  Hello melkio.

58 mins:  Mookoo is offside 

More people coming off and going on.  Bye bye someone, hello someone else

60 mins:  Orange have possession.  Now whites do.  Some running towards goal.  Volume increases.  

More people too-ing and fro-ing.  Bye bye robin.  Hello kluoot (I think).

Oh dear, backheader given mootoo a chance.  Not much of a chance.

62 mins:  there's more uncontrolled kicking about.  Something about Rats and romania needing a goal.  Romania looking increasingly desperate.  Some mention of France being destroyed.  Romanian fans gone quiet.  

64: Free kick Romania.  Orange steal possession.  Van Percy doing something.  Goal keeper kicking.

25 minutes left.  Voiceover says they've witnessed a come back before, it can be done... sounds like they're on the side of Romania.  Bias from the BBC? Never.

More kicking about.  Crowd shouting 'come on Vera'.  

69 mins: Romania running out of ideas.  Mootoo or someone kicks desperately at goal.  Goalie catches it.  Well done Goalie.

Orange have possession and are near goal.  Come on boys.  Bums - throw in. Daniel Nicoli is running.  Nope.  Rats keeps it from Kluoot.  

More people coming off and on.  Bye bye someone hello someone else.  Unsure as to who exactly as was drinking my tea.

Voiceover now postulating about how romania will feel.  You know there's a saying about it's not over til it's over.  Or they think it's all over?  Something about shut up before it over

Van Percy cross.  No one to kick it in

73 mins:  Close up of tired Romanian.  Looks really pissed off.

Throw in.  Romania have control.  Silly kicking aimlessly at goal.  Slow-mo of Romanian man praying.  Voice over says romania are resigned to loosing.    

Holland man down on one knee and looks cross.  Romanian man pats him on the bum.  He looks okay now.

Some excitement about a free kick.  Excitment about nothing.

77 mins:  Holland man does a lame shot at goal.  Off-target.

I think I like this van percy man.  He gets talked about a lot.

Oh dear.  Dangerous sliding tackle.  Yellow card chivoo.  Bad chivoo.  Won't play next match.

79 mins: Oh dear. Hole here.  Running fast towards goal.  Easy for the keeper.  Crowd booing.  Affeley is now fallen over with a hurt something or other.  He has big grassy thighs. 

10 minutes to go!

I shout at the telly.  No goals are achieved.

Van Percy is capable of anything.  Can he make me some tea?  I've finished mine and can't make another one.

BAD.  A lot of Romanian kicking about near the goal.  Lots of kicking like panicked children.  I shout at the telly.  This seems to work as the Romanian man then kicks it high over the goal.  Phew.

84 mins: Corner.  Voiceover says not in the least but nervous for the Dutch? This is not the case for me.  No NO No No No.  Scramble scramble scramble.  But phew, cleared by the Dutch man.

Big score on the screen  This is a good score.

Magic Affeley dances towards the goal but Romanian goalie saves it.  Bums

Van Percy does his magic instead.  GOAL.  Robin Van Percy is a genius.  Thank you Mr Van Percy.

Remember.  You are most vulnerable when you've just scored.  But not these magic orange men as Holland have another shot on goal.  But miss.  

Romanians dash towards goal but goal kick.

Three minutes injury time.  Come on boys.

More kicking about

oh dear.  Romanian men are passing it about.  Chance shot on goal.  Goalie jumps like a rabbit and catches it.

1 minute to go.  Romanian fans are giving off an indistinguishable rumbling.

Whistle blown.  

2-o.

EPIC VICTORY.  

So this concludes the rather long and nonsensical live blog of the Holland, Romanian match of which I had a tenner riding on Holland.  Luckily it seems that lack of previous performance, insight, or team motives has proved fruitful and I have 20 whole pounds to fritter away on some other pointless and ill-judged bet.  Hooray for me.

Blogging about Ste blogging about me blogging about him blogging.

Ouch

I fell over yesterday. I toppled over like a 5 year old.  I now have two grazed palms, and a bit of a grazed knee.  Slight embarrassment as I did my best goal celebration, skidding face first along a crowded station platform.  

Never one to let a blogging opportunity pass, I'm going to take a photo of my injury everyday to witness the miracle of biology as it heals.  

Day one of the healing process:

 

Stay tuned for day two of the healing process. 

Update: Day two of the healing process

Bit redder than yesterday.  Looking lovely

Due to recent gambling addiction problems and a weekend without internet tubes I neglected to update.  However, fear not dear reader as the healing process has been photographically recorded for your viewing pleasure.  Let us commence...

Day three of the healing process

Redness gone, slight stiffening beneath wound.  Still painful and irritating

Day four of the healing process

okay... due to some internet tube blockage blogger is refusing to upload any more photos.  I will attempt to finish this later...

Things that annoy me

1.  Physically impossible to get into without a lot of swearing and industrial strength hydraulic cutting tools like what firemen use in car accidents plastic covered items such as x-box wireless adapters

2.  Once sprung from its plastic prison, setting up wireless network for x-box live.  What a fecking nightmare.  I'm good at following instructions.  I'm good at 'boy stuff' like computers and map-reading but this is beyond a joke.  I am still unable to enter all the correct information before the fucker wants to test the connection.  Once it tries to connect and finds it can't, it forgets what I've told it.  I want to cry, die, or murder indiscriminately without mercy.  Which I would be able to if I could GET THIS BLOODY THING TO WORK.

Why I'm sitting in a darkened room on a Sunday and not outside in the sun like the rest of humanity is for another post.  Just to say that at this precise moment I hate just about everything and everyone.  

Everyone makes mistakes

It made me chuckle a bit when itunes tried to get some artwork... 

Scott 4:

Unicorns are people too (and guitars apparently)

How delightful